It was limitless cuteness when his cherubic cheeks smiled. It was simply adorable when they puffed in disagreement and his lips pouted in frown. His round, butter face tilted left and hazel nut eyes narrowed when curious. Rather sharp for his age, this eight-year-old was a wise cookie. Dressed in orange jump suit, a white T- shirt, a blue cap and squeaky shoes which lit while walking; he was easily the most colorful exhibit around. As he walked his miniature back pack swayed sideways on his tiny tushy. A hand on his nape maneuvered him like a steering wheel dodging the crowd. The little tug on his shoulder was momentarily lost and Casper drifted a bit.
Like thousands of ants crawling towards the sugar cube;
thousands of people were hurrying towards their destinations. After all it was
Victoria Terminus the busiest rail station of down town Mumbai. Among them was
this father- son duo. There was a little tug of war between them. The junior
would pull his father towards all the possible attractions and the senior would
pull him back saying ‘we need to catch the train.’
When Casper drifted there was a hole in Joel’s stomach.
The boy was lured to the sound of ‘trrriiing ting….trrriiing
ting trrriiing trrriiinnngggg…..!
The boy stood with
his hands folded and a curious look. The ‘cold- drinkwalla’ was moving
the metallic opener on the glass bottles in the crate, in an infatuating
rhythm. Joel spotted Casper in no time. With a gentle knuckle on Casper’s head
Joel lovingly said “Don’t you wander like this.” Casper was unperturbed in his
observation. Joel gestured for a cola. A shabby hand fished a cold drink from
the bucket filled with half melted ice. The boy’s aerated thirst was quenched.
It was S-8. After a
fair amount of pulling and pushing, the faint reservation list stuck out next
to the door of the blue boogie was in Joel’s eye reach. He found his name on
the torn list and moved towards the door. Keeping his luggage inside, he picked
up Casper and entered the train. Inside of the train was smellier and more
humid and so many more people. Four were seated on the bench of three. The
continuous pestering of hawkers and end to end loitering of the ticket less so
as to elude the TC. The place was clogged. They finally reached their reserved
seats only to find two men already sitting there. One of them got up, other
only pretended to move. Joel kept the luggage on the overhead carrier and sat
taking Casper on his lap. There was a loud honk of the engine and the entire
train jerked back. The engine was attached to the first compartment; the
journey was about to begin.
The air in the coupe was indifferent. The commuters were
aloof and detached. They simply saw through Joel and Casper. Joel was happy
though; as the usual fiasco of someone pinching Casper’s cheeks and Casper
crying in dislike was avoided. When the train jolted back a brown bag from the
overhead carrier slipped down. Joel reflexively got up and caught it mid-air; his antics
went unnoticed. He arranged the luggage and sat back on his seat fetching for
Casper’s hand. They say that eyes are the best conductor of the human emotions.
Here Joel’s eyes reflected fear, Casper was not to be seen around; now there
was a crater in Joel’s stomach.
Joel couldn’t utter a word. Some incomprehensible sound is
all he could manage initially. This was followed by a weak mumble, then a
whisper and finally a wail of sorrow. With shaken voice he called for Casper.
He frantically glanced around. He could see all the colors except for orange.
In the surrounding dissonance Casper’s squeaking shoes were not to be heard. He
asked his fellow passengers but they reflected empty. As if all this while Joel
was non- existent to them. Like the lifeless corpses they continued their being.
Joel noted some discrepancies. Like the fellow sitting next to the window, was
eating rice pudding morsel after morsel yet the amount in the tiffin remained
unchanged. The one with the newspaper never changed the trajectory of his
glance, nor did he change the page. One at a distant seat kept on waving
outside and outside it was only the thin air. Many just stared….without
blinking. Repetitive gestures and repetitive conversations were all over the
place. As if the train was in some loop and Joel and his kid were
imperceptible.
Joel got up and rushed towards the door. He penetrated,
intruded, pushed and climbed. He pierced and perforated the blocked passage. He
kept on moving ahead. He drilled through one mob after the other but the door
was still afar. He elbowed and shouldered the crowd to squeeze forward. But the
rabble kept on coming and the door remained ajar but distant. He realized that
he was jostling the same set of living dead people every time. This realization sent chillers through his spine. His throat went dry and bitter. The heart
plunged in the depths of qualm. However, worry for his boy kept him from
passing out. He swiftly turned towards the window and stumbling he keeked outside.
All he could see was vast, vacant platform. Even the ‘cold drinkwalla’ had
disappeared.
Tripping and almost falling, stomping on feet of people
around, he reached the window on the other side. He could see a red train
layered with travel muck and dirt on the adjacent track. He went on his knees
and screamed for help but his screams of agony never sounded. Tears rolled out
of his eyes leaving the tear tracks on his muddy cheeks. His sight was
obscured. He wiped his tears with his palms and focused again. There he could
see Casper sitting at the window of other train. Casper was sipping from the
water bottle hung around his neck. There was a small girl in a yellow frock
next to him. Joel was relieved a bit. His upper lip flickered a smile. But then
his eyes became heavy and the body became light. He fainted with one had stuck
at the grill of the window. The train moved.
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The wobble in his head was splitting it into two. There was
a frown on his forehead. The eyes had Brownian movements behind the shut
eyelids. The smell of the LPG was burning his nostrils. The ‘tik-tik’ of the
kitchen lighter was hitting on his ear drums like a loud thud. He wanted to
move but he couldn’t; as if each and every muscle fiber of his was paralyzed. Little
spittle drooled from his mouth. Some saliva slipped back into the wind pipe
causing severe bout of cough. Joel sat up clenching his chest, retching and
coughing.
The reality sunk in as the stench whirled up. Blitz- Krieg
he got up and ran towards the kitchen. The knobs of the gas burner were
horizontal and the gush of the liquid petroleum oozing out of the multiple
nozzles made him cover his nose. He switched them off and opened the windows.
He ran towards the sound of the ticking lighter. Casper was sitting in the hall
crossed legged. Staring out of the window, he was clicking the lighter; as if
he was sending some Morse code. Joel snatched it from Casper’s hand and threw
it away. The disaster was just averted.
Joel went to the kitchen window and stared at the concrete
jungle at the backdrop of clear sky. There was continuous haggling and
squabbling in his crowded mind. His muddled thoughts were unable to decipher
the reality from dream. On the window pane he could however see the tear tracks
on his muddy cheeks. Then, when only the residual taint of that obnoxious gas lingered,
Joel checked on Casper and went to take a bath.
Disrobing himself he stood naked in front of the mirror. He
admired his thin muscular physique and the appendectomy scar from yester years.
The hot tap water was gurgling and splashing in the bath tub. The vapors evaporated the clear mirror image and made it hazy. Joel entered the water
which was little more than lukewarm, displacing it as per the Archimedes
principle. The snug water dilated his peripheral blood pipes and soon his skin
was flushed like a cherry. He slipped under the water and couple of bubbles
rose from his nostrils. He soon slipped into the merry drowse.
The casted curses and deputed dreams are difficult to get
rid of. The girl in yellow frock kept on coming back to him; each time the
vision was clearer. The angular jawline, blue marble eyes and pointed nose. She
had some resemblance but to whom? Joel was at the brink of recognition but his
lungs were out of air. He had to resurface but could he; he couldn’t. The
surface water had morphed into frosted ice slab and the water beneath had
turned so cold so grave. His flushed red cherry skin turned blue berry blue
now. Devoid of air his lungs were burning. He stroked his hands and legs in vigor. His howl was locked in his chest. He just wanted to break the ice and
gasp for air. The water filled lungs of his were running out of time. The
numbness was creeping over his desire but he kept on hitting the shelf ice;
each jab weaker than the previous. His heart was plunging to die. Embracing the
last breath, he wanted to be gone but his instincts didn’t allow him to succumb
that easily. He kept on trying but the ice door seemed shatterproof.
When he was almost gone, all alone and forlorn he could see
little Casper with a sledge hammer. Casper barely managed to lift it and bang
it on the ice slab. No effect. Casper did it two, three times more and the ice
piece finally gave away; more so because of the weight of the hammer than the
force. The glacier melted to mere a verglas. Joel hurriedly sat up. His lungs
sucking each and every ounce of air around. With each breath his ribs protruded
and became more conspicuous. The sharp edges of leftover melting ice cut
through his pruney skin leaving him scarred. Neither Casper nor the sledge
hammer was around; what remained were the gashes which ached.
Something was wrong, strange and freakish. Joel mustered all
his courage and got up in the tub. He could see the reddish water draining down
the pop drain. Haphazardly he dried himself and got out of the bathroom still
drenched and dripping.
Frenzied he went to
Casper’s room and hugging him asked “Are you OK …. ?”
Terrified Casper only nodded in negation and pointed under
his bed and said “She did the mess papa. She did it.”
The room was in litter and clutter. The clothes were thrown
all over the place. The books were toppled down. The water was splashed on the
curtains and the mirror was broken. The neat room was in shambles now. The
pillow had multiple stab marks and it bled cotton. Though skeptical Joel bent
down to check below the bed. His pupils dilated when he saw the girl sobbing and crying incessantly. Whimpering she said “He did the mess papa. He did it.” A
hollow, maniacal laugh followed.
Joel recoiled like the blowback of the rifle and banged his
head on the side board. Dizzy, he got up. His gawk ricocheted in the entire
room but never met Casper’s eyes. He picked a set of clothes from the lying
mess.
“Get ready Casper,
quickly get ready We are going to your Aunt’s place.” Ordered Joel sternly.
The clothes were colourful; an orange jump suit, a white T-
shirt and a blue cap….!
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Casper was sitting next to his father, seat belt right
across his chest. His feet barely touched the floor but he emulated his father.
When his father accelerated, Casper pressed his right foot and when the gear
box shifted the gear; Casper pressed his left foot. When the speed of the car
decreased, he thumbed his right foot in the middle. Each time the shoe squeaked
and sparked. Joel was in perpetual right incline, spiraling down the
merry-go-round corridor of the parking lot. With moist palms Joel controlled
the steering. Circumference after circumference they hovered but the only exit
tangential was 2B. Fear gripped Joel’s heart. Bend after bend, kink after kink
only exit, he could see was 2B. The frustrated mind and tired body gave up
latter; the overheated engine yanked and pushed first, forcing Joel to take the
exit.
Joel vaguely sensed what would ensue next. He looked at his
left. Casper was gone. He wailed and cried in sorrow. “Why me?….ahhhh!….what
have I done?....Why Casper?” He shouted. With head hung down he sobbed inconsolably.
His shouts of peril never escaped the closed window shield. Sadness throttled
him. No ray of hope or silver lining but a beaming headlight bashed through his
windshield. He shadowed his eyes with the palms to get a better glimpse. There
was a red car right in front of his. Casper was sitting on the back-seat
sipping from the water bottle hung around his neck. The girl in the yellow
frock was sitting on the front passenger seat. Annie was behind the wheel
scowling at him. The girl had uncanny resemblance to Annie; angular
jawline, blue marble eyes and pointed nose. Their eyes met and a silent glance
spoke thousands of words.
’Bright exterior, dark interior. I fell for your rugged
roughness but little did I knew that it was nothing but shallow macho-ism.
Others got flowers, I got bruises and aches. In pain I cried when you were in
the arms of the lust. The happiest moment in my life was then, when I got
Casper but you snatched it too. You snatched motherhood from me and reduced me
to a mere breast-feeding nurse. Today was the day 6 years ago when I was half
dead half alive wriggling in agony. I was 22 weeks pregnant, only this time you
knew it was a girl and it was well ahead of legal age for termination. Under
the pretense of aid, you brought a quack. He manipulated my womb and I started
bleeding. Bed- sheets, blankets all soaked red but you didn’t budge. You
despised women as for you they were only a container for your ejaculate. Pale
and wilted I lied on the bed looking at you; still searching for some
compassion in your eyes. There was none. Then, when you were sure that I would
succumb, you lifted me and took me to hospital. I fought for my life for two
days and alas I gave up. You would pay for your sins Mr. Joel. I curse you.’ These
were the words unspoken but not unheard.
Life is the biggest patron of arrogance, but under the
shadow of an adversity like death very few excel. Those diabolic and demonic perish.
Joel fumingly said “If I have killed you once then I might
as well kill you twice, this time with my bare hands.”
Saying this he unbuckled the seat belt and opened the door.
He tried to get out of the car but he couldn’t. Molten thick tar started rising
from the floor fixing his feet firmly. Joel couldn’t move. The fumes of toxic
tar started asphyxiating him and the hot vapors scalded his body. The wildness
in his eyes was now humbled down and domesticated. With each inch of rising tar,
the suffering and hurt increased exponentially. The face scalded and water bubbles
appeared on his skin due to heat. The rising gob busted the bubbles and Joel
was excoriated. Neck deep in the tar yet his hands fling-ed in the air, trying
to grasp at whatever he could so as to pull himself up. Joel yelled until his
voice was hoarse and then mute when the black lava burnt his tongue. The same
tongue which only knew how to abuse was now charred. The black devil stopped escalating
leaving the eyes open to witness the horror. Joel stared at Annie. He had fright
in his eyes. His hands fluttered like a flag does on a windy
night. Annie stared back remorselessly. The flapping of the hands eventually ceased.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The scene was sealed with yellow police ribbons. The melting
tar dribbled on the floor drop by drop admixed with the gore. Casper sat on the
pavement at a distance, broken forever. Beside him sat his childless aunt. She
knew she would fix him right.
